I'm ready. The time is right.
For quite awhile I haven't felt the drive or energy required to formulate sentences and adequately express all the thoughts and ideas that are continuously flowing through my head. I have felt as though the fire within me had dwindled and without even knowing it, I realized I had been reduced to a small pile of smoldering ash, with only a tiny burning ember keeping me going. The stresses of life, children, school, relationships, money...all of it became so draining that I just wanted to escape it all with the distraction of books, movies, Facebook...I don't know...anything. But I soon realized that no matter how distracted I made myself, those stressed would always be there.
Life is hard and every day it becomes more and more evediant to me just how unfair it is. The world turns on her axis, every day without stopping, while the inhabitants anchored to her floor through the pull of her gravity, walk around seeing only a minute fraction of her beauty. Yet at the same time, witness enough hate, anger and unjust behavior to leave an unhealing paper cut on the soul forever.
I question my humanity, and the humanity of those whom I encounter every day --mostly strangers, but others as well-- and I shake my head in wonder when I see the ignorant, thoughtless interactions between people that not only don't make sense to me, but probably not even to those who have behaved so irrationally. I try live a life of tolerance. But is living this way truly an attainable goal? (just follow me, here) Is there a way to live being tolerant of others belief systems and values while at the same time being intolerant of those who are intolerant of others belief systems and values--because it may very well be a persons belief to be intolerant of those they feel are wrong--therefore can I really say that I'm tolerant of others beliefs if I am intolerant of those who are intolerant? Is there a way to be both intolerant and tolerant? Deep, I know. I have experienced some inconcivable, and irrational behavior of people I know this last week or so, which have sparked these questions of humanity and tolerance.
I'm just trying to define who I am...and right now it's not so clear. I have a few puzzle pieces scattered around me with the words "mother", "wife", "sister", "friend"...(soon one will say "nurse") written on them. But I want so much more. I want my little glowing ember to grow into a flaming fire. I want to be passionate about something important, but at the same time I want to be respectful of those around me--stranger or not--because isn't that where it starts? Thinking of others first? I want to help people see that there is good everywhere, even if it's not evident. I want to put smiles on peoples faces and make their burdens just a little bit lighter, without burdening myself in the meantime. I want to love unconditionally. But most importantly, I want others to see that life is short, and times are hard, but we have to come together and hold hands to work through the hate, anger and unjust actions of the thoughtless.
The time is now. The time is today. It has to start somewhere, and I say it starts here. At this very moment. Right--this--very--second!~ Who's with me?